Tug-of-Heart

I previously posted my baby turned 21.  Just this week, he moved into his own apartment.  I haven't gone upstairs to see the empty room - yet.  I'm imagining dust balls, scattered
papers.  I know there's computer monitors and parts in the other empty room left vacant by our now married daughter - nearly a year ago.  I haven't addressed that room, either.

We moved into this home 23 years ago.  Autumn was just a 9 month old.  It was a fixer-upper, but it had the room we needed for our growing family.  Four bedrooms - 3 upstairs, one on the main (ours).  A somewhat finished basement, but very usable for our eventual homeschool area.  A large back yard which served a great play area for the kids over the years.  A draw back was we had only one bathroom, and no shower - just a tub.  But, we managed just fine.

When we moved here, the five kids were 6 years and younger, and it was just under two years later we added our 6th child - Carl.  They loved the space and would run around the circle on the main floor.  This home was a find.  It fit us perfectly.

Our home became central to many forms of hospitality.  Families would join us after church for lunch, we hosted Christmas open house for the neighbors, we invited foreign students and a Russian family to live with us at different times.  We had meetings, parties - always abuzz with activity!!

I always considered, as my children grew, that it would be an exciting adventure as they moved on into their life interests.  But, I wasn't prepared for that something in my mother's soul that plays tug-of-war with the heart.

My existence is altered somehow.  I didn't see it coming.

So, I'll make my way up the stairs - eventually.  I'm developing ideas of how to use the space.  Stripping wall paper, painting, rearranging, throwing stuff away.  Plans for more guest space is in the works.  But, the voices of my little ones will still echo throughout.  The tug of my mother heart remains.